Cupid's Coach Blog

Matchmakers Conference - the annual Love Fest

The second Worldwide Matchmakers Conference held in Weehawken, N.J. completely and thoroughly did its job.  Focus throughout each of the conference sessions was on the two elements which are essential to running a successful modern day personal introduction agency: business systems, which serve as the critical backbone and skeletal support for the small operator, and at long last, the human elements – the client service components, the psychology of relating and coupling in today’s complex society, and the love-enabling aspects of a dating expert’s work. These high-touch components serve as the heart and the blood flow, the lubricants which enable these professionals to cause change in clients’ lives.

Love is a verb, after all.  At least it can be a verb, and I think it should be a verb, especially in the business of dating.

 

I’ve been integrally involved with dating industry conferences since 1990 – you name it, I’ve been there, and although I have left each of these meetings with legal pads bursting with the latest in industry stats, marketing techniques, and new business strateties, there has always been for me a feeling of something missing.  Something important was lacking for me whenever dating service owners and operators would gather.

As an observer at prior dating service conferences, to me it felt a bit square or sterile, more like an assembly of hospital administrators and investors, the concern and focus being first and foremost with the important business of driving profits for their companies through the luring of patients -- lots and lots of patients, who would show up for me on slide presentations as merely numbers on a graph.  A hotel patron passing by a typical dating industry conference room might guess that the business owners in the room might be in the fitness industry or the weight loss field or maybe time share investments. In attending these meetings, I found myself always asking, “Where is the heart?  Why is it that so little time, energy, money, or care is invested on the human element within the dating industry?” 

 

My guess is that every hotel guest at the Sheraton Suites on the Hudson over Sept. 12-14 was plenty aware that they were sharing their hotel with 100 passionate, enthusiastic dating enthusiasts. The lobby bar, the elevators, the ladies’ lounge (can’t tell you about the men’s) were alight with banter, emotion, contagious laughter, and the kind of hugging and bonding that is rarely seen at professional business meetings.

The Matchmakers Conference has become an oasis for dating industry professionals who are fascinated with and thoroughly consumed by and committed to… this thing called love.  Easily identified throughout each session was an undercurrent of care and concern for the single relationship-seekers who fuel the industry -- the clients who are trusting introduction agencies with their dollars, their faith, their confidence, and their hope that they will indeed find love and create partnership in their lives. 

 

Several topics dominated the agenda and the hallway buzz:  Business principles and marketing strategies, client service practices, technology solutions, and the development of dating coaching guidance and support for personal matchmaking clients. And why not?  After all, we are paid for helping people engage, relate, bond, and love each other.  There was plenty of walking that talk for three solid days of what we are now calling the Matchmakers Annual Love Fest.

 

Bottom line, the Matchmakers Conference was a magnificently heart-opening event, catapulting the personal matchmaking and dating coaching industries into a brighter future both for the small business owners at the helms of their ships, and indeed for the consumer, the single love seeker who looks to these professionals to help find, keep and nurture this thing called love. 

 

The next Love Fest?  Fall of ‘09 – Oct 23-24-25, again in Weehawken, N.J.  -- our sweet little love nest on the Hudson. Save the dates.

Matchmakers Conference 2008

The second annual International Matchmakers Conference has just ended in NYC and OH MY GOODNESS...it was even more fabulous than the year prior. We tackled the toughest dating coaching issues, we gathered together relationship experts, and love gurus. I'll post the highlights later in the week.

Are You Being Too Picky?

As a matchmaker and dating expert, the biggest frustration I have is watching GREAT people overlook other GREAT people for what are in my estimation…superficial reasons. Here’s a fun little test that will reveal to you the answer to the question, “Am I being too picky?” Take a look at the last 10 to 20 ‘Candidates’ who’ve crossed your path. People you’ve dated, people you’ve selected through an online service, or just people you’ve met through your world whom you found interesting, attractive, and date-worthy. Go ahead – make the list. And start keeping this list and adding to it into the future. Every person you find date-worthy…write his name on your list. Secondly, note by that person's name if he/she was also interested in YOU. Did this person pursue you? Was he/she attracted to you? Did this candidate “go for” you? OK, here’s the tough part. Now you get to do the math. I say, if the percentage of people on your “hot list” who also go for YOU is greater than 50%, then YIPPEE, you’re on track. If, however, a small percentage of your targeted candidates are interested in and attracted to you, then…we’ve got a problem. Tough as it is to accept, if the math shows you that less than 25% of your targeted date-worthy candidates are also interested in you, then it's possible...um, well...likely actually that you're being too picky.

What to do about it? You've got two choices: 1) Do some serious strategic and proactive marketing to better your chances in our highly competitive romantic culture (join dating services and singles clubs and assert yourself, develop your flirting skills, meet lots and lots of people.) 2) Re-evaluate how you are doing your selecting, wrestle with and broaden your search criteria. A general rule of thumb to follow is - if you're not averaging a better than 50% “Yes Factor” for the men or women you're targeting, then you're being too selective and limiting yourself too much to be able to expect success. Homework assignment: Make your long list of the criteria you’re seeking in your mate. Go ahead, brainstorm, and have some fun with it. Then take a long walk and come back to that list. Isolate the Top Three Critical Criteria. Tough? You bet, but so important. Keep this short list handy, and notice that as you go through the dating process it might just change on you. If the guy/gal you’re considering has all three of your Top Three Critical Criteria, then I say, when in doubt, GO FOR IT. Meet this new person. Still in doubt? Meet again. Still don't know? Meet one more time. We gals have the ability to fall in love over time, for the right reasons. If the CRITICAL stuff lines up, then I'd suggest (and so would your mama) saying Yes to meeting and exploring the possibilities with those who meet your critical criteria. That magical thing called human bonding doesn’t even begin to show up until date number three. Be willing to stretch on the issues of lesser importance (height, hair issues, age, income, etc. Keep the heart and the eyes open, or heck, blindfold yourself! I often wonder if sightless singles have an advantage in today's media crazed world. And be willing to be surprised as to whom He or She just might turn out to be. Julie Fermanm Founder/CEO Cupid's Coach  www.CupidsCoach.com  877 345 LOVE

NY Times Covers Cupid's Coach and Matchmakers Conference

Have you ever had that tremendously gratifying feeling that your professional life is on the perfect course?  A deep, solid knowingness that you are doing exactly what you were meant to do on the planet?  That in being your authentic self in your daily work and in utilizing your unique talents, gifts, and abilities you are making the significant contribution to the world that you'd hoped and prayed and dreamed of making?

It's a sense of calm and inner peace in knowing that all those years of angst-filled worry (high school, college, those torturous twenties flailing from entry job to slightly-better-paid entry job...) were all magically and fatefully designed to prepare you for what today is your ideal professional manifestation?

Well, at 47 years of age, I'm here to report to you that it's a wonderful feeling. 

I had the enormous pleasure of co-producing the first inaugural Matchmakers Conference (http://www.MatchmakersConference.com) with Lisa Clampitt and Jerome Chasques, founders of The Matchmaking Institute.  Nine months of planning, design, collaboration, dreaming and scheming went into this ambitious project and it was one of my life's most rewarding experiences to be there and see this virtual lovefest come to fruition.  Not to mention -- we had an absolute BLAST!

Quick history: It was my very own gut-wrenching search for love, marriage, and a family which propelled me to try everything known to woman to identify and lasso my partner.  My aggressive search  led me to the dating service where I met Gil, now husband of 17 years.  As fate would have it, Gil was the owner of the dating service that solved my problem, the jovial guy who smoothly charged up my credit cards to the tune of $1450, the 44-year-old confirmed bachelor whom I lassoed for Date Number One before the Visa bill hit my mailbox.  A year later, 8 months pregnant with Alex, our first child, I joined Gil on the other side of the love search table, in natural payback fashion to help other aspiring lovers find each other with less torture and more fun than I'd had with the whole dating process.

In the course of these 17 years in this admittedly curious profession, I've attended dozens of dating industry events (franchise and licensee meetings, association gatherings, Internet dating conferences) and have squeezed every bit of juice out of each.  I've truly loved every dating related gathering I've ever attended.  Which is not to say that for me there wasn't also something missing.  In a word -- it was HEART that I was often left craving.  Topics always addressed?  Search engine optimization, market share, newest lead generation trends, sales closing techniques, show rates, cost per lead statistics --that sort of content, which of course we need to study if we want to keep our doors open as business owners. 

Nevertheless, I was always left with the feeling that the dating industry was being driven by people who were "in it" for the purposes of making money first and foremost, and that the mystery/magic/beauty/science/art of the joining of two souls -- that part of the work we do was always somehow left outside in the corridors of these hotel meeting rooms.  Something was missing, leaving me with just a twinge of hunger.

Until the Matchmakers Conference. 

Oh my goodness...the love juice was there...in grand form.  80 matchmakers flew from all corners of the world and sat spellbound as Helen Fisher enlightened us on the science of attraction, chemistry, and why we love.  Patti Novak, acclaimed host of A&E's "Confessions of a Matchmaker" had us in tears of laughter as she spoke of and demonstrated the empathy, commitment, and deep respect she has for the human beings who are our clients. Mark Brooks framed the content with his fascinating state of the industry report, Paul Falzone and Terry Fitzpatrick (Together Dating and The Right One) Charlee Brotherton (Singles Station), and Bill Broadbent (Instinct Marketing) showed us that big, successful dating companies can operate with service, integrity, heart, soul AND profitability.  Dating coach guru and eloquent wordsmith, Evan Marc Katz shed light on the responsibility we have to help our clients evolve and grow as individuals. 

Oh, and the fact that Marcelle Fischler was at the conference to brilliantly cover the event for the NY Times? And the glorious commentary on my sweet company, Cupid's Coach?  The best kind of gravy...!

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/09/30/fashion/weddings/30FIELD.html?_r=1&ei=5087&em=&en=2dc829b24a2e2e75&ex=1191297600&adxnnl=1&adxnnlx=1191780677-6JDbhVp32gWV9DJsNZUdlw

The dating industry is growing up.  For several years now we've had a great venue for the study and development of Internet dating -- another conference I'd never miss, Marc Lesnic'ks annual iDate event, so perfectly placed in Miami in the dead of winter, but also a place for personal matchmakers and dating coaches to gather and share.

The world is getting smaller, as technology enables us to synergize with like-minded kindred spirits all over the globe with simplicity and efficiency, expanding exponentially our ability to truly serve our clients.  Those of us who are compelled to contribute to single love seekers, to enable connections and relationships that would without us never be?  We have places now to convene. 

The next Matchmakers Conference lovefest?  September 19, 20, 21 2008.  You can be sure that's where I'll be!  Also I wouldn't miss the iDate conference, Jan 31/Feb. 1, Miami.

Julie Ferman, Cupid's Coach